Averse to Beasts: 

Thick Soup

My cat's dim,'e's got no brain.
'Is eyes are glazed and 'e's quite inane.
'Is marbles are lost, and 'e's very slow.
Sad old sod, 'e'll 'ave to go.

'Is lights are on, but no one's there.
Cruel innit, don't seem fair.
See 'ere's the rub, the real groaner -
'es brighter than 'is bloody owner.

Appendages

Two snakes meet
on a jungle street.
"Well, old buddy, old friend, old worm,
I see you've developed Pachyderm."
Said the other
to its brother -
"Quite true, I'll grant.
And you, you've grown an elephant."

Bad Manners

A large and surly turkey vulture
came to me to learn some culture.
I taught it every social grace
to mind its manners and know its place.
To use correctly knife and fork,
to sniff thoughtfully on the cork.
To "Beg pardon, if you please,"
and cover its beak before a sneeze.
I felt I'd made it fully able
to dine with style at any table.
But, in the final crunch,
it chewed the waiter with its lunch.

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